There is so much I want to do.
When I resigned from work to become a stay at home mom I had all these plans. I was going to finally have time (ha!) to do all the things I couldn’t do because I worked too much.
I would learn another language, I would dance, I would take up yoga and start running. I would knit my first sweater and blog again. I would read more and write more. I would become a great cook and keep trying every little hobby and find the one thing I’m really good at.
Obviously, I didn’t know shit. Staying at home with a baby isn’t the time for self-discovery. In fact, as I later learned it’s the exact opposite. It’s the time for giving so much of yourself to another human being that you forget that you, yourself are human.
The first year passed by so fast it was a complete blur. All I had really done is gain weight. Oh, and kept a baby alive and well – should probably give myself credit for that.
The second year I took up the lovely art of couponing. Partly because I can be quite frugal but also because we desperately needed to save money.
You guys, I owned a coupon binder. I watched the show Extreme Couponing on TV to hype myself up. I had so much toothpaste and pasta sauce I didn’t have room in my tiny apartment to store it all. Space constrictions forced this embarrassing little hobby to end.
This year not only did I add another baby to my schedule but I also signed myself up for a few too many online classes. Why do I do this!? Seriously, I don’t even have time to shower.
The real fear is I will have nothing to show for my time spent at home when I re-enter the workforce. I wish I could bring my kids along with me to my first job interview. So when I get asked what I’ve been doing for the last few years I will point to them and say:
“Look at those two beautiful, well-behaved humans I made!”
And heads will nod and respect will be granted.
Ugh, you know what? I just realized I don’t care what anyone will think of the time I spent at home raising my kids. Being a stay at home mom is all I need to be. And my two beautiful, well-behaved humans are the best, most amazing sources of pride in my entire life.
So all those skeins of yarn I bought with the intentions of knitting into a sweater? I will take them with me to the future job interview and peg them at anyone who dares to judge me for staying home for these last few years.