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May 1, 2020 by: Nusrat

5 Tips for Helping Children Grieve

My children have lost two close family members within the last two years. Their Aunt (my sister) to cancer and their Grandfather (my father-in-law) to the Covid-19 virus. Explaining the loss of a loved one to a child can be overwhelming, especially when you are also dealing with your own grief. Here are five tips to help your child understand their grief be it for a friend, a family member or even a pet.

Tell them the truth

Be straight forward when you explain the loss and present facts in an age appropriate language. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for. A clear statement like ‘Grandpa’s heart stopped and his body is not working anymore’. If your child is older they will need more details like the name of the illness. Your children will be looking to you for emotional cues so it’s alright to say you are sad but assure them that you will be OK.

Acknowledge your child’s grief

It is important to recognize that everyone grieves differently. Allow them to grieve in their own way. Your child may have more meltdowns than usual, or lash out in anger over the smallest inconveniences. Some children become overly clingy and feel very insecure if someone needs to leave the house to run errands. They may feel sadness, anger and fear all at once and these are big emotions to feel. Give them all the time, space and love to allow them to grieve how they need.

Be prepared to answer a lot of questions

As your child processes the loss in the first few days (and even months and years later) as life begins to normalize, be prepared for a multitude of questions. These questions will pop up in the middle of play time or when you are least expecting it. They will catch you off guard and perhaps break your heart. It hurts to know that your babies are hurting but answering as truthfully as you can will help them build a new normal.

Months after my sister’s death, my 4 year old suddenly asked me ‘Can we give her a potion to bring her back to life?’ I braced myself, apologized and explained that unfortunately no, there is no potion that can bring her back. There may be questions about where the loved one is now? Can they see us? Do they miss us? Whether you take a religious, spiritual or factual route is up to you but be prepared for the hard questions.

Share the memories

As a family come up with ways to remember your loved one. It could be as simple as eating at your loved one’s favorite restaurant and sharing happy memories. You could plant a tree or create a photo book. On my sister’s birthday the children insisted we buy a cake like we would if she was still with us. They blew the candles out and then released balloons for her. Now it’s become an annual birthday celebration for her. Choose anything that serves as a connection to your loved one who has passed.

Reach out

You don’t have to do this alone. Find a children’s group therapy program in your community to connect your child with others who have also lost loved ones. It may help them heal to know they are not alone and others their age have also experienced loss. If that is not an option, do activities together like reading books and watching movies that will help both of you through the grieving process. This will initiate conversations and give them the opportunities to express their feelings into words. Always reassure them that you are here to listen.

I wish we could all protect our children from the pain of loss but it is something we all experience at some time. What we can do is help them express their feelings and remember, don’t ignore your own grief.

Have you helped a child through the loss of a loved one? Do you have any additional tips?

I’ve listed a few books below that have helped my family. If you click through and make a purchase this blog will earn a commission at no additional cost to you.

     

March 9, 2016 by: Nusrat

Yoga Flow & Glow Event

Yoga Glow and Flow

Last week I attended an event called Yoga Flow & Glow. It was a glow in the dark yoga class suitable for all fitness levels. I had to check it out.

The event was organized by Mind & Body Complete to raise funds for a non-profit ladies retreat center and was kindly hosted by CrossFit Remedy. Once I had checked in, I  made my way towards the table full of glow in the dark items.

Yoga Glow & Flow
Yoga Glow & Flow

The organizers had thought of everything. Along with glow in the dark wrist bands, head bands, glasses, paint and paint brushes, they also supplied us with yoga mats, towels and bottles of water. There was a buzz in the air as everyone excitedly painted dots and stripes onto their bodies and posed for pictures. There was a steady stream of both men and women filing in and filling out their names on small forms for the raffle drawing later.

I had a few minutes before the class to look through the Lululemon showcase.

Lululemon at Yoga Glow & Flow

The room was getting warmer. It was being heated to between 80-90°F – not sweltering but warm enough to work up a sweat.

Shortly after, the lights were turned down and Yoga instructor Jennifer Dean promptly started the class. I know Jennifer from the CrossFit classes I take and knew she taught yoga but this was the first time I had her as a teacher. Though it was dark, her voice easily transitioned us from one position to the next.

Yoga Glow and Flow

photo credit Shannon Jamail

Yoga Glow & Flow

photo credit Shannon Jamail

As a newbie to yoga and not knowing the names of every position, I had no problems following along as Jennifer explained each step. I also loved her choice of music for the class – hello downward dogging it to Snoop Dogg! I was having so much fun, it wasn’t until the routine slowed down a bit that I realized my body was actually getting a great workout.

Yoga Glow & Flow event

photo credit Shannon Jamail

What sets yoga apart from other forms of exercise is that it’s not just physical, but a combination of mental and spiritual disciplines as well. We ended the class with stretching and a meditation. Sometime while my eyes were closed, fragrant essential oils were sprayed around the room and the entire experience was extremely relaxing. The class ended and I felt completely renewed. Not at all how I’m used to feeling on a frantic weeknight!

After the class I got to chat with Shannon Jamail, the founder of Mind and Body Complete. She told me she had recently purchased land in Southern California and was raising funds to build a facility where women could attend retreats to focus on their health and wellness. Women too often, focus on everyone and everything else in their lives and don’t prioritize their own health. This resonated with me because I’m guilty of it too. The center would provide workshops for women to find balance and enable them to become better at doing amazing things. What a wonderful mission and I’m so glad I was able to help towards this goal. If you are interested in learning more about retreats being hosted around the country you can find them here.  Also, figure out a way you can take me with you!

Have you ever attended a glow in the dark yoga event? I really enjoyed the class and I think I will be trying to make it out to a yoga class at least once a week from now on.

November 15, 2015 by: Nusrat

I’m Scared of CrossFit – pt 2 My first Work Out

I'm Scared of CrossFit V1

You can find I’m Scared of CrossFit – Part 1 here.

The last time I had signed my name on a form without reading any of it, I was in labor. I was exhausted, in pain and wanted Rambo to just STFU.  This time, I was in a Crossfit box.

My first CrossFit workout was the most I had exercised in years….or ever. And it actually didn’t start off so bad.

I was one of three new joiners about to begin Elements training, where for six classes we would learn the basic form and techniques fundamental to CrossFit workouts. It was my first introduction to weight training. The coach taught me how to deadlift and power clean.

My First CrossFit Workout

I know what to do with this now

She made me do these moves over and over again until my form was correct. It was the kind of personalized attention I wasn’t used to getting at other gyms, even when I had paid for a trainer. She was invested in helping me learn, with plenty of patience and encouragement.

We also did squats, ring rows and lots and lots of lunges back and forth across the box. I was determined to kill this workout. I was determined to look as hot as everyone else in this place. Just when the 15lb bar I was lunging with started feeling like 500lbs and my thighs were starting to give in, I heard her say:

“OK now you are ready to start the work out”

via GIPHY

I thought the warm up was the workout.

I walk over to her standing by the white board where she had written out the following:

Run 400m

15,12,9: Air squats, Ring Rows, Sit Ups

Run 400m

This was another way of saying “Run once around the entire building. Then do 15 Air Squats, 15 Ring Rows and 15 Sit Ups, followed immediately by 12 Air squats, 12 Ring Rows, 12 Sit Ups then 9 Air Squats, 9 Ring Rows, 9 Sit Ups and another lap around the building.

And we would be timed.

I didn’t have time to throw a tantrum because the other two guys in the class had already taken off running. So I ran after them. And you know what?

It was horrible. Because I don’t run. Not inside. Not outside. Not after a bus I’m about to miss.

Also, there was an Indian restaurant two doors down from the CrossFit box and as I’m running past it gasping for air, I’m sucking in the delicious Indian food aroma and all I want to do is run in there and shove some Naan in my face. But I resist and I want to cry and I hate life right now.

First CrossFit Workout

Smells SO good

Back inside, the air squats and the ring rows weren’t so bad. It was the sit ups that killed me. They were real sit ups and having to lie down and sit all the way back up and touch the ground between my feet made me dizzy. Somewhere in the haziness of it all, I could hear Rambo shouting words of encouragement. You know every fight scene in a movie where the guy gets punched in the face and everything he sees is blurry and in slow-mo? That’s where I was.

My last lap around the building I was feeling all kinds of sorry for myself. Why was I so unfit? Why did I marry a man who likes to wake up at 6 am on weekends and go for a run? I bet that Naan is really soft and warm. I turned the corner and Rambo was there cheering me on.

My time was 12 minutes and 13 seconds. I was not dead. I high fived a few people. I took a sip of water which was a bad idea because it immediately made me nauseous. The coach wrote my name and time up on the white board. Amazingly my time wasn’t that bad compared to everyone else’s.

I had to sit down for a moment and not talk. I was pretty sure if I opened my mouth just a little bit, I would throw up. And people had just seen me run – I didn’t need any more embarrassment in my life right now.

Rambo on the other hand was talking a lot. He was talking about monthly fees, and budgets and how proud he was of me. I was exhausted, in pain and although I love him for being there right at the end when I wanted to die, I really wished he would STFU.

So I signed whatever I had to, to get out of there. During the car ride home my dizziness subsided enough to read the receipt in my hand.

I had just signed up for three months of CrossFit.

 

September 16, 2015 by: Nusrat

I’m Scared of CrossFit

I'm Scared of CrossFit

Nothing kills your workout like getting paged over the gym speaker system for you to return to the day care center to come get your child.

You know what I do in that situation? Just pick up my boogie-nose-almost-hyperventilating-from-crying-so-hard-child and drive straight back home.

Maybe I’ll try to work out again next month.

So my ten minutes of exercise a month (five of which were spent fiddling with the treadmill/FitBit/earphones), haven’t been too productive. This has gone on for some time. Rambo works out every day. I work out never.

Then Rambo does something unexpected. He up and joined a CrossFit gym.

I knew nothing about CrossFit. Except that they’re like a cult and once you go CrossFit you don’t stop talking about it and people begin to avoid you.

He laughed off my warnings and diligently worked out. Within two weeks I noticed a change in him. I don’t know what it was. Was it confidence?  Muscles? He looked more in shape. How does that happen in just two weeks? I was curious enough to join him for a class.

I went along to his box. I didn’t know that CrossFit locations were called boxes.

Very appropriate. For a gym that is more expensive than the fancy pants gym with the smoothie bar, hair salon, indoor/outdoor water park and steam sauna,  this ‘box’ looked like an empty warehouse. With all the contraptions hanging from the ceiling and torture devices laying on the ground, it looked like the kind of place a kidnapper would take his victim.

CrossFit Torture Box

CrossFit Torture Box

I noticed not a single clock, just a timer. As someone who is constantly checking the time, this panicked the crap out of me. The loud thumping heavy metal music gave me heart palpitations. The weights clanging loudly on the floor from being dropped gave me some serious anxiety. I’m used to soothing sound machines and whispering while the babies sleep. Oh and why were the doors wide open with industrial sized fans in two corners? It’s summer in Texas and I was in a warehouse full of sweaty people with no air conditioning.

This place was my own personal hell.

But then I noticed the bods. Shredded, muscled up, glistening with sweat bods. No, they were not supermodels. They were regular people. Friendly people – after the class every single one of them came up and introduced themselves to me. Some were dripping with sweat and it was a little awkward trying not to get their bodily fluids on me, but they were all smiles. Yes, almost cult-like.

Those people are not being held captive

Those people are not being held captive

I could not get over how fit everyone was. I have had memberships at so many gyms before and the people working out in those places do not look like this. It was the super toned bodies of all the women (and men) in that box that did it. I wanted to look like them. Despite the panic & the anxiety of being completely out of my comfort zone –  I signed up for CrossFit.

Typical self-destructive behavior or the best thing I’ve ever done for myself?

 

Coming up in Pt 2 – My First CrossFit Workout, or Trying not to Throw Up/Die in Public

 

Crossfit & the Stay at Home Mom

Crossfit & the Stay at Home Mom – I’m scared of Crossfit – Coffee and Sweat

July 9, 2013 by: Nusrat

Pregnancy – Second Time Around

Pregnancy 2nd time around

I’m expecting baby #2. Yes, I’m happy and excited about the pregnancy but mostly I’m tired. More tired than I ever thought possible.

Pregnancy the second time around is both easier and harder. Easier because I couldn’t care less about reading every single book on pregnancy and happy babies. I’m no longer super anal about not consuming cheeses, seafood or coffee. I don’t care how many raised eyebrows or concerned looks I get. I ordered a coffee the other day at brunch with my visibly pregnant belly and the waitress smiled at me and said,

“I drank coffee during my second pregnancy too”  and it made my day. I needed that validation. My doctor told me I could consume a cup of coffee a day but still, I needed a mom who had been there before me to say it was OK. Trust me, the world is a better place when I drink coffee.

Pregnancy is harder now because I used to nap all the time the first time around. Now there is no napping. There is no rest when a restless two-year-old boy needs you. I have to take him to the park to burn off that little boy energy so he’ll sleep at night. I have to prepare meals for him, even if he barely eats two bites. I have to stop what I’m doing and play with him when he says:

“Ammu come on, lets’ play cars!”

To be honest I’ve barely had a chance to think about this baby. I have no idea what size fruit he is this week. I’m not freaking out about having all the equipment, supplies and gadgets to make my baby comfortable. I bought the entire store the first time around and I definitely didn’t need it all.  There is literally no baby prep going on. I haven’t even pulled out the old baby clothes – I simply don’t have the time. I’m running after the two-year-old all the time.

I can’t keep up with one, Lord knows what I will do with two.

I’m getting tired just thinking about how crazy my life is about to get.

Pregnancy 2nd time around

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